Superpower

Terry was exposed to a mysterious meteorite, and it gave him a superpower—any woman he slept with became a genius. He discovered this when his wife, June, went from waitress to restaurateur in two months, and his mistress, Angela, stopped filling in crossword puzzles and started designing missile systems. He tried cashing in, advertising his service to college girls desperate for a good GPA. No one took him seriously. Worse, June and Angela left him. They didn’t find him charming anymore. His jokes fell flat. His promises all felt empty. There was no question that they could do better.

Note Under Windshield

I bashed in your bumper and your break lights. Sorry. I was pulling into the spot behind you and I noticed your bumper stickers and rammed you before I could stop myself. It wasn’t the political ones that set me off, for the record. I’m embarrassed to admit it was ‘Virginia is for Lovers.’ Haven’t seen many lovers around lately. Maybe you know where they’re hiding? Maybe it’s easier to find lovers in a Mercedes than a Ford Taurus. You’ll be looking for them via bicycle now. Maybe I shouldn’t be…is a note written on a napkin admissible in court?

Creation Myth 2

Bob was building. His neighbor saw him and asked what he was making. Bob said, I don’t know. I just like the way building makes me feel. The neighbor said, that’s no way to build something. It looks like a car. Add some wheels. So Bob added wheels. But there was still something off about it, so Bob added a windshield. That still felt wrong, so Bob started over. Make a car, he thought. But Bob couldn’t make a car that looked the way a car was supposed to. He didn’t know how. Suddenly, building made Bob feel awful.