WHY I BROKE OFF THE ENGAGEMENT

Mara and I were kayaking when we were surrounded by a school of dolphins. They flashed their fins and yelled, Let’s see some titties! And, Hey baby, you ever suck a blowhole? Mara stared at me like she wanted me to do something, like I should dive in and teach them a lesson. I said, Just ignore them. She got mad and said I wasn’t a real man, that her ex would never have taken shit like that off anyone, let alone a fish. She didn’t know dolphins were mammals. Suddenly I realized we were together for the wrong reasons.